Incoming news: Andy just called. Short form: lady in front of him stopped to make a left turn; Andy stopped; person behind him didn't. Our spare tire no longer has a home because the trunk is emulating an accordion. The front of the car is, in his words, "eh". The lady in front of him got a few scratches on her back bumper. None of them were hurt in any obvious way, and he's watching closely in case things happen once his shock wears off. He said his neck is a little sore at the moment. His sense of humor was intact, given the following conversation:
Andy: The lady in front had a few scratches <...> nothing serious.
Me: So you hit her, then?
Andy: Yes, I couldn't really help it...
Me: You cannot change the laws of physics!
Andy: It's worse than that it's physics Jim!
The accident happened on base across from a fire station, so he was able to walk to work. If the car is drivable he'll drive home; otherwise a co-worker has already offered him a ride. I'm mostly relieved that a) this didn't happen yesterday (his birthday) and b) he's ok. More updates as events warrant.